oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
