I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
