how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
