shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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