So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
