hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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