Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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