theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize