u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
