The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
