I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
