Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
