Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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