guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
