they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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