Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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