4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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