The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
