the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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