there's paper in my vomit.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
