apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
