It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
