just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
