I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
