You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
