She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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