good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
