if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
