I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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