Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
