who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We talked him into tasing himself.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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