next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
