You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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