I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
