Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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