he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
