I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
