so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
