I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
