in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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