you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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