This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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