like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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