you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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