Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
