I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
