What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
