there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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