Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
