He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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