You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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