well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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