my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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