We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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