Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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