Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
