Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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