what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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