So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
