Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
