i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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