just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
