i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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