Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
