I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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