my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will be naked everywhere
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
