please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
