Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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