the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
