I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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