Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
organizing the empties. That sober.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
