I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
