you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
