Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
