Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
