We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
