Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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