Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you would pick up someone in the library
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
