my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
