I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
