i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
