I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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